Can You See My Color

On a sunny day, I chose to stay in the house to take care of myself. The noise outside brought me sadness but I knew something would change soon. Trying to mask my internal pain, I took a long shower. A soft loofah did the job nicely as I massaged my breasts. Using my favorite conditioner I carefully parted my hair then brushed each section. The steam from the shower felt like a spa experience as I washed the soapy substance out of my hair. Grabbing my towel, I stepped out the shower then wrapped it around me as you see in the movies. Standing in front of the mirror, I watched my smile impress me.

The couch has become my favorite piece of furniture in my apartment. It comforts me as I watch long movies on a rainy day. While on the phone, it becomes my drum as I laugh uncontrollably rolling to the floor. Then on some days, I wrap up in my pink fuzzy blanket and it comforts me when I am lonely. After the shower, I come to the couch with my large jar of shea butter. I sit on the edge of the couch and I rub a good amount between my hands. In love with my skin, I take my time massaging the shea butter onto my legs. Often I remember those days of running outside with ashy legs and my mother would yell at me to come back in the house. Her words are heavy on me to this day, “don’t go outside without lotion on.” As I got older my mother’s words began to shape my perception of the world. I have to be so good, on time, and look right to be seen as normal in this world. However, I didn’t want to be ashy ever because that’s a bad thing right? Well according to my mother it’s a really bad thing.

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